July 24, 2021
Codaworry has been offline for two months due to a migration, and since I assume readers care as little as I do about my brain ephemera, I just let it sit for a while. My first step aside from bringing this back online, is to start caring again. For years I’ve hoped to borrow self-esteem from others in my life, but I finally accept that no-one else will care about my dreams until I do. People don’t want to risk the mental space on someone that’s not intent on winning, of making their dreams and truth manifest and real.
Since I broke up with my ex in 2017, and have felt the fire (and been burned) with my current partner, it has taken some awful times to realize truths in my life, and what I need to do to keep myself healthy and strong. The most painful moments are crucibles, and whatever mixed feelings I had, my tears never lied to me. In my weakest moments I couldn’t deceive myself anymore.
Hopefully this can guide my songwriting, not just to aim for that frisson that makes every sense in your body tickle, but to make it ache too, a fragment of emotional truth that scars and then heals. I’ve looked for ways that music can be more meaningful, and it has less to do with the lyrics or the instruments or the singing, and more to do with offering a meaningful reflection of my emotional reality. Tears don’t lie.